Tag: new andy warhol

ROCK LEGEND RICK DERRINGER INJECTS ROCK AND ROLL HOOCHIE KOO INTO MONUMENTAL MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT ALL STAR MAMM JAM FEATURING MEMBERS OF AEROSMITH BOSTON STEELY DAN CHEAP TRICK THE DOOBIE BROTHERS BELLEVUE CADILLAC THE WAILERS JAMES BROWN BAND J GEILS BAND THE CARS JAMES MONTGOMERY AND THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR HUGO VACA II.

Stunning Performance By The McCoy’s Frontman, Inspires Music Industry Icons To Produce Historic Rock And Roll Memorabilia, On Canvas, In Fort Myers, Florida.

On February 24, 2012, Rick Derringer walked into a room full of rock and roll icons gathered for rehearsal and blew everyone in sight away, with one of the most electrifying performances, any of the music industry legends had ever witnessed. The energy in the Sidney And Berne Davis Art Center, went from amazing to beyond intense, when Rick Derringer stepped on stage, grabbed the microphone and belted through a ferocious version of ,”Rock And Roll Hoochie Koo“, that left everyone in the hall breathless. The remarkable moment of Rock and Roll history was captured in a 41×56, work of art titled, “Live-Love-Flow“, manifested by the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II, who was specially selected as an intuitive artist with synesthesia, to perform with the entertainment industry All-Stars, as part of the Modern Art Music Movement™ (MAMM).

THE RIVER WEEKLY NEWS ARTICLE ANNOUNCING THE INCLUSION OF THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II IN THE MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT ALL-STAR JAM.

THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, CENTER STAGE, SURROUNDED BY ROCK & ROLL ARISTOCRACY AT THE MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT ALL-STAR MAMM JAM IN FORT MYERS, FLORIDA.

“Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo” by Rick Derringer peaked at 23 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. It was first released on the “Johnny Winter And“ LP (1970), with Rick Derringer and the McCoys (#1 “Hang On Sloopy”) backing up Johnny Winter. Derringer decided to re-record the song for his first solo single, on the 1974, “All American Boy“, LP.”Hoochie Koo” is short for “Hoochie Koochie,” which is sexual slang popularized by Muddy Waters in his song “Hoochie Coochie Man”.

RICK DERRINGER, POINTS AT CAMERA, STANDING BESIDE THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, ON STAGE, AT THE LEGENDARY MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT™ ALL-STAR JAM IN FORT MYERS, FLORIDA.

Rick Derringer’s clever lyrics subversively imply female genitalia and the act of copulation:

“Hope you all know what I’m talkin’ about.
The way they wiggle that thing really knocks me out.
Gettin’ high all the time, hope you all are too.
C’mon little pussy gonna do it to you.”

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, FAR RIGHT, AT REHEARSAL, IN THE MIX OF THINGS, COLLABORATING WITH MUSIC INDUSTRY LEGENDS, TO CAPTURE MAGIC MOMENTS ON CANVAS, THROUGH THE MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT™(MAMM).

THE ART OF CREATION: AT REHEARSAL, THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, MANIFESTS ROCK AND ROLL MEMORABILIA WITH TITANS OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, THAT COLLECTIVELY, HAVE SOLD OVER HALF A BILLION RECORD ALBUMS AND SINGLES, WORLDWIDE.

Like the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II, Rick Derringer was raised Roman Catholic and attended a private Catholic school, for eight-years, during his youth. After a time of intense personal struggle, Rick Derringer was reborn in his faith and rewrote the lyrics to, “Rock And Roll Hoochie Koo”, reflecting a less sexual and more spiritual mood:

“Couldn’t stop shouting when it first took hold.

It was an awesome night at the old church hall.

There was an old time preacher he was laying it down.

Heard the word and you know I can’t forget that sound.

Read the word, live it too.

Let the truth be seen in you.”

“LIVE-LOVE-FLOW” (41X56) BY THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, CAPTURES THE UNIQUE MOMENT, WHEN RICK DERRINGER JOINED THE MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT ALL-STARS, FOR A ROUSING RENDITION OF HIS CLASSIC ANTHEM, “ROCK AND ROLL HOOTCHIE KOO.”

Rick Derringer and his wife own artwork from The Victor-Hugo Collection.

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR HUGO MIXES SPERM WITH PAINT TO COMBAT DAFEN CHINA ARTIST MILL FORGERIES.

In A Global Market Saturated With Counterfeit Paintings, Produced By Master Fabricators, Semen Serves To Authenticate Victor-Hugo Collection DNA Series of Artwork For Savvy Fine Art Collectors.

Dafen, China is home to 5,000 artists who produce dozens of replicas weekly, collectively churning out more than half of the oil paintings produced in the entire world each year. Over 5 million paintings a year are produced legally under Chinese Law where works of art fall out of copyright protection after fifty years.

“A WOMAN ALWAYS SEES WHAT SHE WANTS TO IN A MAN” (48X48) DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II. (5-21-05)

Fine art forgeries can be purchased for forty dollars on every street corner in the village of Dafen, which was founded in the 1990’s by twenty artists, trained at art academies, and a businessman.

“HANDJOB” (36X36) DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II. (1-19-05)

For roughly the price of a high-end Kindle, you can get a near perfect replica of Vincent Van Gogh’s, Starry Night or Leonardo DaVinci’s, Mona Lisa in the United States. For that reason, the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II mixes his body fluids with paint, to safeguard the investment of fine art collectors who wish to ensure the authenticity of his unique works of modern-art-gonzo-journalism.

“BLEEDING WOMAN” (36X36) DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II. (2-2-05)

The DNA Series premiered at the controversial “Ground Zero” exhibit in 2005 during Art Basel Miami Week, to critical acclaim.

RARE, COLLECTOR’S ITEM POSTCARD, PROMOTING THE CONTROVERSIAL “GROUND ZERO” EXHIBIT, WHICH INTRODUCED A GLOBAL AUDIENCE TO VICTOR-HUGO VACA II’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DNA SERIES, AS SEEN ON MAJOR TELEVISION NETWORKS.

The DNA Series was inspired by, “Piss Christ”, a 1987 photograph by the American artist and photographer Andres Serrano and Chris Ofili’s “The Holy Virgin Mary”, a mixed-media painting depicting a black Madonna decorated with elephant manure which sold at auction at Christie’s in London for 2.9 million pounds ($4.6 million).

‘THE DEAD COCK” (30X30) DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, WAS SOLD, AT AUCTION, ON JANUARY 29, 2009 AT “THE HIDEAWAY BEACH CLUB”, IN MARCO ISLAND, FLORIDA, AS PART OF THE PRESTIGIOUS, “WET PAINT LIVE”, AN ANNUAL CHARITY EVENT, CREATED TO BENEFIT EDUCATION SCHOLARSHIPS, ORGANIZED BY THE LEADERSHIP MARCO ALUMNI UNDER THE AUSPICES OF THE MARCO ISLAND AREA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND MARY LEE MAPOTHER, ACTOR, TOM CRUISE’S MOTHER. (1-21-05)

When people protested, the City of New York and Mayor Giuliani brought a court case against the Brooklyn Museum, in an attempt to evict and withdraw the annual, $7 million City Hall museum grant, for exhibiting, “The Holy Virgin Mary”, which, then Mayor of New York City, Rudolph Giuliani, described as, “sick”and “disgusting”. The museum director, Arnold L. Lehman, then filed a federal lawsuit against Mayor Rudolph Giuliani for a breach of the First Amendment and the Brooklyn Museum won the court case.

“THE FINALE”(30X30) DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II. (2-9-05)

“When I heard artists were using blood, vomit and feces to create works of art, I thought that was disgusting.” Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II said. “I thought semen would be a better body fluid to work with, fortunately, my girlfriends agreed, so they helped me rub a few out and…well, the rest is history.”

“FOR JENNIFER” DNA SERIES, MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

The Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II is often referred to as, “The Artist Of Rock And Roll Stars And Celebrities“, because his works of art are in the collection of such notable public and entertainment industry figures as:

Don King – Boxing promoter
Tito Puente Jr. – Musician
Doug Bell – Musician (Lead Singer Bellevue Cadillac, The Cars, J Geils Band)
Skunk Baxter – Musician (The Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan)
Rick Derringer – Musician (The McCoys)
Leroy Romans – Musician (Third World, The Wailers)
Fran Sheehan – Musican (Boston)
Barry Goudreau – Musican (Boston)
Robert “Mousey” Thompson – Musician (James Brown Band)
Danny Beissel – Musician (Fosterchild)
Robin Zander – Musician (Lead Singer Cheap Trick)
Simba – Artist
James Enders – Artist (International Pop Art Guru)
DJ Josh Wetherington – Musician/Producer
DJ Rob Malone – Musician/Producer
Dan Pacini – Musician ( The Baker Act, Dirty Foot, Shoram Fusion)
Guy Le Houx – Business mogul and restaurant magnate
Robert Sadler – Wall Street Stock Trader
Julien Manival – French Nightclub Impresario
Gerry Kelly – South Beach Night Club Impresario
Oliver Geddes – Canadian Nightclub and restaurant magnate
Fred Thompson – Actor (Law & Order), U.S. Rep. Senator, Lawyer on Watergate Committee, Radio Host
H-Love Eggers – Radio Show Host
Jeff Goldblum – Actor (The Fly, Independence Day, Jurassic Park)
Bill Johnson – Founding board member of the House of Blues
Barnaby Ruhe Ph.D. – Artist, Shaman, NYU Professor
Albie Monterrosa – Musician (Lead Singer deSol, Albie and the Neighborhood, MonteRosa Band, Love At The Bodega)
James Guerrero – Musician (deSol)
Shy Figaro – Fashion Designer
Neal Fox – Composer, Filmmaker, Artist, Activist, Musician (Polydor, RCA Victor), Top Ten Dance Club Hit, “In the Jungle”
Robin Fox – Musician, Top Ten Dance Club Hit, “I See Stars”
Naughty Natalia – Radio & TV Personality, Author, Entrepreneur
Kerry Walsh – Internationally Renowned Opera Singer, TV, Theater and Film Actress
Gene Degollada – Business Mogul, Founder Stuttgart International Auto
Belinda Carlisle – Musician (Lead Singer The Go-Go’s)
Jane Wieidlin – Musician (The Go-Go’s), Actress (Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure)
Dave Wakeling – Musican (Lead Singer The English Beat, General Public)
W. Nelson Lewis – Media maven, TV Personality (FOX News Greta Live Wire), Journalist, Television Producer (FOX News Laura Ingraham Show, FOX News Greta Van Susteren, GOLF Channel)
Michael Posner – Movie Maven, Delray Beach Film Festival Founder
Roger A. Bauman – Wolfsonian Museum Advisory Board Member, Entrepreneur, Business Mogul (Baumann Cosmetic Dermatology)
Terri Nunn – Musician (Lead singer Berlin), Actress (TJ Hooker, Thank God It’s Friday)

“I became an artist to survive.” -Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR HUGO VACA II

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFSvUZGUNuY

New York Born Hispanic Artist Living In Shadow Of Revolutionary French Le Miserable And Hunchback Of Notre Dame Author Victor Hugo Warns Public Of Threats To Free Speech And Democratic Elections

BRANGELINA BREAKUP AND CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA RIOTS SPARK INTEREST IN PROPHETIC LETTER TO EDITOR FROM VICTOR-HUGO TO NEWSPAPER WITH JENNIFER ANNISTON ON COVER.

On May 1st, 2008, the beaches edition of The Sun Post, covering Miami Beach, North Bay Village, Surfside, Bay Harbor, Bal Harbour, Sunny Isles Beach, North Miami, North Miami Beach and Aventura, featured Jennifer Aniston on the cover, under the headline, “Celebrity Gossip”, stating “Jen’s body is a wonderland”, in reference to rumors of her intimate relationship with John Mayer. Inside the newspaper, distributed to readers with some of the highest per capita wealth in the United States, was a letter to the editor, from the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II which foretold by nearly a decade, the present state of a nation in turmoil, deciding between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, for Commander In Chief of the world’s most powerful armed forces.

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR- HUGO VACA II LETTER TO EDITOR

The letter was headlined, “Of Course Lawmaking Attorneys Want To Ban Free Speech”. It read:

“It should come as no surprise to anyone that a proposed law in the state of Florida could ban free speech. The Florida Bar, under the direction of Henry Coxe III, begot the saga of Crackhead Jesus (www.crackheadjesus.com) to avoid threats of censorship from rogue attorneys who make and interpret law for trusting constituents.

To find out exactly who has oversight over the man who determines the standard of ethics and competency for lawmakers in Florida, the offices of Gov. and potential vice presidential candidate Charlie Crist, along with Sen. Mel Martinez and Attorney General Bill McCollum, were contacted. Turns out they were all under the impression that the Florida Supreme Court was in charge of the Florida Bar. Wrong.

It appears government confusion has left the fox guarding the henhouse. Only in the state of Florida is a higher level of ethics and competence expected of Miami panhandlers than of lawmaking attorneys.

The Florida Commission on Ethics has gotten involved since no one in government seems quite sure what to do about this unexpected and embarrassing predicament facing Florida government during this election year.

Government officials appear ill at ease about the whole thing, I assume because they fear a credible news outlet might actually see this as a national news item should Gov. Crist be offered the vice presidential nomination, the death penalty moratorium be removed or more Florida residents, business owners and newspaper readers come froward with allegations that some Florida courts are being used by rogue attorneys to legally extort constituents while no one is watching.

Free speech and justice concerns are things that should make someone go “hmmm” in this election year, which may ultimately be determined by the same system that appointed George W. Bush in 2000.”

MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM CREATED BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II CONTAINS SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES THAT WARN THE GENERAL PUBLIC OF ISSUES IGNORED BY MAINSTREAM NEWS MEDIA DUE TO CENSORSHIP AND CONFLICT OF INTEREST WITH ADVERTISERS THAT FUND THE BUSINESS OF REPORTING NEWS AND INFORMATION TO TRUSTING MASSES.

Millennials should realize that the death of democracy happened in the year 2000, when the Florida Supreme Court appointed George W. Bush as President of the United States as if he were King, rather than allowing the majority of constituents to elect a Commander In Chief based on popular vote. Biased mainstream media news outlets dismiss, as conspiracy theory, Donald Trump’s valid concern that the electoral process is rigged, however the fact of the matter is, that nothing has changed since this prophetic letter was written, nearly a decade ago, by the man, who some claim is the reincarnation of the world renowned French artist Victor Hugo, who documented the French Revolution, in words and drawings that still resonate as meaningful and relevant, over a century after being manifested in the classic novels, “Les Miserables” and “The Hunchback Of Notre Dame”.

THIS WORK OF MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II CONTAINS SEVERAL SUBLIMINAL CLUES FOR INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISTS TO EXAMINE JUDGE DONALD W. HAFELE AND THE LITTLE KNOWN, THREE MEMBER BOARD, KNOWN AS, “THE FAIRNESS OF ELECTIONS COMMITTEE”, THAT INFLUENCES AMERICAN ELECTIONS, BUT WHOSE PROFOUND GLOBAL IMPACT, GOES UNREPORTED, BY WEAK MAINSTREAM MEDIA NEWS OUTLETS WHO FAIL TO TELL THE PUBLIC THE WHOLE STORY OF THE U.S. ELECTORAL PROCESS AND HOW IT IS, IN FACT, NOT CONSPIRACY THEORY, RIGGED.

Now, for what he calls, “The Lied To Generation”, the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II, is documenting the American Revolution, taking place in the new millennium, in modern-art-gonzo-journalism form, for Millennials, to digest and ponder, in the midst of mainstream news media, that has forsaken public trust, in favor of greed, ratings and biased political agendas.

MODERN-ART-GONZO-JOURNALISM BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

“Don’t be a dick”- Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY ALUMNI BARNABY RUHE PAINTS PORTRAIT OF FELLOW USNA ARTIST VICTOR HUGO VACA II AT LEGENDARY GLOBAL WARMING ART REPORT LILY HATCHETT EVENT.

LILY HATCHETT INVITED THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II TO MANIFEST MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT HAPPENINGS, CAPTURED ON FILM, THAT CREATED WORKS OF FINE ART GRAFFITI, ON CANVAS.

Lily Hatchett invited former United States Naval Academy (USNA) Midshipmen Officers, Barnaby Ruhe and Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II to create works of art at the legendary, live-action multimedia art event featuring performance art, live bands, dance, fashion, video presentations, and DJ’s for a spectacular, marathon party and Modern Art Music Movement™ Happening, in Fort Myers, Florida, inside the historic, Sidney and Berne Davis Art Center, lasting two days and nights.

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II POSES FOR PORTRAIT BY BARNABY RUHE.

USNA Midshipmen Officers are taught to persevere in the face of extreme obstacles and severe impediments; important skills in the war of business, art creation and marketing strategies.

MIDSHIPMAN OFFICER VICTOR-HUGO VACA II LEADING THE 26TH PLATOON AT THE UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY IN ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND.

The Modern Art Music Movement™ Happening evolved organically, within the Hatchett Production, manifesting the largest work of art ever created by the Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II on canvas, a triptych titled, “Ronald Reagan and His Monkey”. The colossal work of art has appeared in music videos and television show backdrops but has not been displayed in public since the event, due, in part, to its considerable size and the necessity of a spacious venue for proper exhibition.

MODERN ART MUSIC MOVEMENT: DAVID HATCHETT, MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, LADY JANE, CONNIE BOTTINELLI AND LILY HATCHETT IN FRONT OF MASSIVE, “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY”, TRIPTYCH.

Barnaby Ruhe received his doctorate in shamanism and art practice, an interdisciplinary effort combining psychology, anthropology, art history, phenomenology and art studio action.

UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY ALUMNI, BARNABY RUHE, PAINTS MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II AT THE GLOBAL WARMING ART REPORT PARTY.

World Famous Leadership Laboratory Produces Presidents, CEO’s, Artists And Modern-Art-Gonzo-Journalists.

The U.S. Naval Academy was established in 1845. The mission of the USNA is “To develop Midshipmen morally, mentally and physically.” The campus, known as “The Yard,” is a National Historic Landmark, 33 miles from Washington, D.C. and 30 miles from Baltimore. USNA students must have a congressional or presidential nomination to apply.

The U.S. Naval Academy provides a demanding four-year program leading to a Bachelor of Science degree and a commission as an Ensign in the United States Navy, or as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.

It is not exaggeration to describe USNA Midshipman Officers, graduates and veterans as loyal, trustworthy and hardworking furthermore, they are not only great leaders but great followers as well, because Midshipman are taught, to both lead and follow, by example.

UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY MIDSHIPMAN OFFICER VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

“The academies naturally foster the ability to get along with your fellow man, primarily because you live so close together. You have to be able to relate to senior officers, to peers, and people under you. It’s imperative. This is directly transferable to business.” – James Kinnear, Naval Academy Alumni and CEO of Texaco.

BEFORE ENTERING THE U.S. NAVAL ACADEMY, MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, (BOTTOM LEFT) COMPLETED RIGOROUS LEADERSHIP AND SURVIVAL TRAINING, AT THE NEWPORT NAVAL BASE, IN RHODE ISLAND, WHERE HE WAS PART OF THE TRIUMPHANT, NAVAL ACADEMY PREP SCHOOL SWIM TEAM.

Barnaby Ruhe graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1968. He was senior editor of Art/World newspaper in the 1980s and ’90s and wrote the first New York City reviews of work by Francesco Clemente and the Starn Twins, as well as essays on Francisco de Goya, Henri Matisse, Andy Warhol and Joseph Beuys.

USNA ALUMNI, BARNABY RUHE, SERVES ON THE BOARD OF, “ARTISTS TALK ON ART”, AND IS A SIX-TIME, WORLD BOOMERANG CHAMPION.

Barnaby Ruhe, is a romantic artist, who incorporates; sentiment, gesture and psychic journeying into his paintings. He runs shaman healing workshops at the Burning Man festival, each summer, inside the Shamandome Camp.

“MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II PORTRAIT” BY BARNABY RUHE.

Barnaby Ruhe is best known for his marathon, portrait-painting sessions, like the one in January of 2009, wherein he painted fellow United States Naval Academy trained Artist, Victor-Hugo Vaca II, in Fort Myers, Florida, at Lily Hatchett’s extraordinary two-day, “Global Warming Art Report Party”.

BARNABY RUHE PORTRAIT PAINTING MARATHON WITH “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY”, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, IN BACKGROUND OF PORTRAITS.

“Ronald Reagan And His Monkey” by Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II, combined spirit and mood while reflecting all the dance, drama, satire and media that transpired over forty-eight hours of non-stop, magic moments, at “The Global Warming Art Report Party”, encapsulating the zeitgeist into a massive, triptych painting, measuring over twelve feet tall and fifteen feet long, in one explosive marathon moment on canvas.

DETAIL FROM, “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY”, FINE ART GRAFFITI TRIPTYCH, BY VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

In 1975 Barnaby Ruhe earned an M.F.A. from Maryland Institute College of Art and in 1989 he procured a Ph.D. from New York University. He is a professor at New York University’s (NYU) Gallatin School Of Individualized Study.

NAVAL ACADEMY ALUMNI, ARTIST, PROFESSOR AND SHAMAN, BARNABY RUHE IN MIDST OF PORTRAIT PAINTING MARATHON.

The U.S. Naval Academy is one of the nation’s best business schools, producing highly skilled individuals prepared for the battles that comprise the war of business.

Since World War II, America’s military academies have produced 1,531 corporate CEOs, 2,012 corporate presidents, over 5,000 vice presidents and thousands of small-company entrepreneurs.

The U.S. Naval Academy training includes life-long lessons in honor, teamwork, and discipline that cannot be duplicated at civilian universities or MBA programs.

AS PART OF THE USNA PREP SCHOOL TENNIS TEAM, THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, (BOTTOM LEFT) LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF HONOR, ETHICS AND INTEGRITY IN CHARACTER BUILDING.

Lily Hatchett, producer of “The Global Warming Art Report Party”, also graduated from the Maryland Institute College of Art, like Barnaby Ruhe, and she was the official cross-country, documentarian for the Warped Tour, Hothouse Flowers, Fishbone and Ringo Starr & The All Star Band.

ARTISTS DAVID HATCHETT, VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, LADY JANE, CONNIE BOTTINELLI AND LILY HATCHETT.

Lily Hatchett published, Indie Film and Art Reporter, NYC , from 2009-2016, focusing on obscure art and film.

Lily Hatchett’s, “Global Warming Art Report” party, was also the first time the iconic, sociopolitical, “Crackhead Jesus is coming” sticker, was seen in public, after its controversial, headline-grabbing debut, at Art Basel Miami Week, during the 2007 Holiday season.

AS SEEN IN THE MIAMI HERALD NEWSPAPER COLLECTOR’S EDITION, ART BASEL MIAMI MAGAZINE: FEATURING THE CLASSIC, MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, CRACKHEAD JESUS EXHIBIT, PROMO.

Though the sociopolitical sticker, catalogued in the Library of Congress reference book by DB Burkeman, “Stickers: From Punk Rock To Contemporary Art”, caused quite a stir because it was prominently displayed atop the canvas of fine art graffiti, created throughout the 48 hour party, Hatchett Productions did not censor the provocative artistic expression, in spite of some protest.

THE ART OF CREATION: CONTROVERSIAL “CRACKHEAD JESUS IS COMING” STICKER CAN BE SEEN ON TOP LEFT OF WORK IN PROGRESS, “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY”, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

“The truth is artists are only millionaires on paper. They have to sell their work, and according to the IRS, their work has value whether it’s sold or not. I have small sketches, prints and paintings; they can all be valued at something.”- Barnaby Ruhe

THE FOUNDATION FOR “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY” STARTED WITH SPRAY PAINTED GRAFFITI, BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, THAT MANIFESTED INTO COLORFUL CHARACTERS AND VISTAS IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.

In a U.S. News & World Report 2011 survey of high school guidance counselors, regarding national universities and national liberal arts colleges providing the best undergraduate education in America, the U.S. Naval Academy ranked #1.

In 2012, U.S. News & World Report ranked the U.S Naval Academy as the #1 Public Liberal Arts College in the nation, for the second year in a row.

In the 2012 U.S. News & World Report college rankings, the U.S. Naval Academy tied for 4th Best Undergraduate Engineering among non-doctorate-granting institutions.

“I WAS OFFERED THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS MYSELF, AS AN ARTIST, ON A MASSIVE BLANK CANVAS, IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE FULL OF LEGENDARY ARTISTS, AT A TRIPPY, TWO-DAY, NON-STOP PARTY, TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING; SO, OF COURSE, I SEIZED THE DAY AND FLOWED INTO THE UNIQUE MOMENT, WITHOUT HESITATION.” – MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

In 2016, the United States Naval Academy was ranked #2 in Public Colleges, #9 in Liberal Arts Universities, #17 best undergraduate institution and #24 Top College by Forbes magazine.

“THE ART OF CREATION BEGINS WITH A BLANK CANVAS AND AN OPEN MIND.” – VICTOR- HUGO VACA II

The U.S. Naval Academy teaches Midshipman Officers how to be effective leaders by exercising how to take command, execute orders, and making sure that those orders are carried out swiftly.

BEFORE ENTERING THE U.S. NAVAL ACADEMY IN 1989, THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, HAD TO PROVE HE WAS RELIABLE, TRUSTWORTHY AND HONEST ENOUGH TO GRADUATE FROM THE USNA PREP SCHOOL IN NEWPORT, RHODE ISLAND.

“You were never outside the environment in which leadership mattered. We marched to class and we marched to every single meal, constantly in the presence of someone exhibiting leadership.”- Robert Herres, U.S. Naval Academy Alumni and retired CEO of USAA, a $60 billion insurance company.

DETAIL FROM “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY” FEATURING THE ICONIC “CRACKHEAD JESUS IS COMING STICKER” (TOP LEFT) BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

“If you look at the majority of successful people in business, the common feature of most of them is that they get things done, they deliver, they execute. That’s built into the DNA of what you’re taught at the military academies.”- Pete Dawkins, West Point Alumni, Heisman Trophy winner and vice chairman of Citigroup Private Banking.

BEHIND THE SCENES: “RONALD REAGAN AND HIS MONKEY”, WAS FEATURED IN THE ROCOPERA MUSIC VIDEO FOR, “SHAKE THE CITY”, PRODUCED AND DIRECTED BY, MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

“The academies are designed to produce leaders, and I think good leaders are successful irrespective of the medium they’re working in. You can have a terrific idea, a great plan, and bad leadership, and you’ll fail. You can have a bad plan and really good leadership, and still figure out how to make it successful. Leadership is the single most important ingredient in all institutions. If you have bad leaders, the rest doesn’t matter.” – James Kimsey, West Point Alumni and co-founder of America Online.

IN 1989, MIDSHIPMAN OFFICER VICTOR-HUGO VACA II WAS ADMITTED INTO THE UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY CLASS OF 1993.

“Once you absorb that, your whole mindset changes. In battle, if you’re leading a company up a hill, and that night you have to write letters to all the mothers whose sons got killed that day, for whatever reasons, you realize there is no excuse. If you’re a CEO whose company is laying off thousands of workers because you failed to understand how the market changed, you also realize there is no excuse for those people now out of a job.”- James Kimsey, looking back on how Plebes at West Point and the U.S. Naval Academy are taught to respond, “No excuse, Sir!”, when their personal shortcomings and failure are exposed.

THE SCALE OF VENUE AND ARTWORK CREATED BY VICTOR-HUGO VACA II CAN BE SEEN IN THIS AERIAL VIEW.

“The Academy training gives you an attitude, and it’s the attitude that makes the difference. When I deal with Academy people in the business world, and I am asking for something to be done, I know it’s going to get done. I don’t hear a lot of, ‘Here are my excuses,’ but rather, ‘I am going to get it done, regardless.’ And that’s leadership.”- Ron Jones, Naval Academy Alumni, senior vice president at Veridian, a computer and engineering company.

WORK IN PROGRESS FINE ART GRAFFITI BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II.

“We learned at the Academy that the Honor Code had no geographical boundaries or limits. It applied at all times, whether we were in or out of uniform…. At first it was rather intimidating. One slip-up could mean expulsion.” – Gil Dorland, from his book, “Duty, Honor, Company”.

MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II OUTSIDE OF THE SYDNEY AND BERNE DAVIS ART CENTER IN FORT MYERS, FLORIDA.

The United States Naval Academy, implants into the fiber of being of all Midshipman Officers, key success factors and qualities in areas of the private sector, such as: honor, ethics, and integrity.

“If you don’t have honor, integrity, and ethics, it will be found out and people won’t deal with you. Whatever you do in the business environment, your word is most important. You’d better do what you say you’re going to do. Once you lose your credibility, your value diminishes dramatically, both through the eyes of the people that work for you and the people you deal with. It’s sort of a sine qua non of being successful.” – Jim Kimsey, America Online co-founder.

“The fact is, honor, ethics, and integrity are key success factors in many areas of the private sector.” – Eric Grubman, Naval Academy Alumni and a partner at Goldman Sachs.

USNA MIDSHIPMAN OFFICERS VICTOR-HUGO VACA II AND JEFF EGAN.

Elite business schools like Wharton and Harvard hold military academy graduates in high regard. In the Harvard Business School class of 2001, 37 students had bachelor’s degrees from Harvard, in second place for undergraduate training, were the service academies, with 24 alumnus.

“At Wharton, leadership was a class that we took. At the Academy, leadership was a way of life.” – Ron Jones, who attended the Naval Academy and Wharton, contrasting the education he received at each institution.

CLASS OF 1993, PLATOON 26, ROOMMATES AND USNA MIDSHIPMAN OFFICERS, LIVING AND LEARNING TO MAKE QUICK DECISIONS, IN BANCROFT HALL, THE LARGEST SINGLE DORMITORY IN THE WORLD (MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II, HOLDING UP PEACE SIGN) .

The U.S. Naval Academy excels at teaching Midshipmen Officers the art of communicating swiftly and clearly with the rank and file, a skill necessary for successful CEO’s.

“Every day, you interact with your classmates and with your professors. You have got to communicate from day one as a plebe when you’re being hazed. You’ve got to communicate with your peers to survive.” – Joe Gudenburr, West Point Alumni and vice president of manufacturer, BuckBee-Mears.

THE MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II (FAR RIGHT) GRADUATED FROM THE NAVAL ACADEMY PREPARATORY SCHOOL; THE NAVY’S FOURTH OLDEST SCHOOL, BEHIND THE NAVAL ACADEMY, NAVAL WAR COLLEGE AND THE NAVAL POST GRADUATE SCHOOL.

Business leadership and stress go hand in hand; attending a U.S. military academy, like the USNA, provides practical stress management training.

“The academies are the finest institutions in the world at teaching honor, ethics, integrity, and loyalty. What you learn at a place like West Point will remain with you throughout your business career.” – Alexander Haig, President Reagan’s first Secretary of State, on U.S. Military Academies like the United States Naval Academy and Air Force Academy.

THE MISSION OF THE NAVAL ACADEMY PREP SCHOOL IS, “TO ENHANCE MIDSHIPMAN CANDIDATES’ MORAL, MENTAL, AND PHYSICAL FOUNDATIONS TO PREPARE THEM FOR SUCCESS AT THE UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY” – MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

Platoon leaders don’t have time to consult with headquarters during life and death combat situations, therefore Midshipman Officers are trained to make crucial quick decisions on their own, which translates into a valuable skill, in the war of business.

“Communication is very poor on the battlefield; so commanders have to react to the situation rapidly on their own with relatively limited information. There’s no time for the chain-of-command to issue orders. This is very characteristic of business. Businesses that do this well end up with higher performance.” – Jerry York, former CFO of Chrysler and IBM, vice-chairman of Tracinda, an investment company, and West Point Alumni.

MUSE CONTEMPLATES WORK OF ART BY MAVERICK ARTIST VICTOR-HUGO VACA II TITLED, “STEPPING INTO THE NIGHT”, AT THE SIDNEY & BERNE DAVIS ART CENTER.

“Too often art is about the hawking of wares, rather than about the quality of life and the human experience. Art has always existed. Humankind obviously has a need for intangibles. Even something seemingly as simple as entertainment is deeply rooted in humans, we have been entertaining each other right from the first storytellers who described occurrences and faraway places.” – Lily Hatchett

“Having survived two Plebe years, at NAPS and the United States Naval Academy, nothing fazes me; I see no limitations, only challenges.” – Maverick Artist Victor- Hugo Vaca II

USNA MIDSHIPMAN OFFICER VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

“What are the things that you can’t see that are important? I would say, justice, truth, humility, service,compassion, love. You can’t see any of those, but they’re the guiding lights of a life.” – Jimmy Carter, United States President and U.S. Naval Academy Alumni Class of 1946.

HILLARY CLINTON KILLS THE WORD RACIST BY LABELING ALL BLACKS AND HISPANICS WHO PREFER CHANGE OVER OLIGARCHY AND A CORRUPT STATUS QUO AS RACIST BIGOTS

The Undecided Voter Calls Out Clinton’s Attempt To, “Dumb-Down” Minorities And Millennials, With False Definitions Of Racism And Prejudice.

THE WORD RACIST HAS LOST ITS MEANING IN THE NEW WORLD ORDER.

The Undecided Voter knows the meaning of the word, RACIST, which by definition, demands a superior-inferior power relationship: Therefore, Caucasians, like Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, can be labeled “racist”; however, a Black or Hispanic person may be disdainful of, prejudiced against, or dislike a Caucasian, or all Caucasians for that matter, but a Black or Hispanic person or group, like La Raza or Black Lives Matter, cannot be labeled racist, ever.

TO DISTRACT FROM THE “HILLARY CLINTON PAY-FOR-PLAY-RIGGED- ELECTION-RACIST-DNC- EMAIL-SCANDALS” THE CLINTON MACHINE TRIES TO IGNITE A MODERN CIVIL WAR, BY LABELING SWATHS OF BLACKS AND HISPANICS, “ALT-RIGHT BIGOTS”, DURING THE 2016 TRUMP VS CLINTON WHITE HOUSE RACE.

The Undecided Voter realizes that Hillary Clinton is attempting to diminish the history and meaning of the word, “RACIST”, by politicizing racism and prejudice to mean: Anyone who is against corruption or oligarchy, as in; “If you do not vote for Hillary Clinton you are a racist, alt right, conspiracy theorist.”, which, of course, is simply not true.

THE UNDECIDED VOTER

The Undecided Voter notices Hillary Clinton would have American citizens and constituents believe conspiracy theorists are tantamount to racists.

CONSPIRACY THEORY OR FACT?

The Undecided Voter notices Hillary Clinton would have American citizens and constituents believe that Hispanics and Blacks who believe in change are racist.

ALT-RIGHT-HILLARY CLINTON WOULD HAVE EVERYONE BELIEVE THAT ALL HISPANICS ARE MEXICAN AND THAT ANY HISPANIC THAT SUPPORTS TRUMP IS RACIST OR IGNORANT.

The Undecided Voter notices that Hillary Clinton would have American citizens and constituents believe all Hispanics and Blacks who are pro-democracy and not in favor of plutocracy and oligarchy in the United States of America, are racist bigots or rapists.

ALT-RIGHT-HILLARY CLINTON WOULD HAVE PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT ALL BLACKS ARE LIKE BILL COSBY AND THAT ANY BLACK OR HISPANIC WHO VOTES FOR TRUMP IS RACIST AND IGNORANT.

The Undecided Voter notices Hillary Clinton would have American citizens and constituents believe that Hispanics and Blacks who believe in Democracy without corruption are racist.

ALT-RIGHT –HILLARY CLINTON WOULD HAVE PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT BLACKS AND HISPANICS WHO DON’T VOTE FOR A CORRUPT SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT ARE RACIST.

The Undecided Voter notices Hillary Clinton would have American citizens and constituents believe that Hispanics and Blacks who believe 9/11 was an inside job are racist.

CONTEMPORARY ART CONSPIRACY THEORY MEME UNDERSTOOD BY EVERYONE, INCLUDING NEEDY LATINO’S AND SUPER PREDATORS.

The Undecided Voter notices that Blacks and Hispanics know very well, that not all Hispanics are Mexican and not all African-Americans are Black.

THIS WHITE MAN IS AFRICAN, FROM SANDTON, JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA. HE IS, CONVICTED MURDERER, OSCAR PISTORIUS, A.K.A. THE BLADE RUNNER. IF HE WERE TO BECOME AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, BY DEFINITION; HE WOULD BE LABELED, AN IMMIGRANT AFRICAN-AMERICAN CONVICTED OF MURDER. ACCORDING TO THE NFL, UNDER THE TOXIC LEADERSHIP OF ROGER GOODELL, ANYONE WHO STANDS FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AND THINKS OUT LOUD THAT SOME PROFESSIONAL AFRICAN-AMERICAN ATHLETES ARE VIOLENT, IS A RACIST PERSON.

The Undecided Voter notices that there are some black Brazilians and White Mexicans that are wonderful human beings and some Brown, White, Black and Hispanic people that are rapists and murderers, which, like sexual predators and killers of any color, nationality or religious belief, are dangerous to civil society and the general public as a whole.

THE UNITED SLAVES OF AMERICA SEE PAST THE TRUTH OF RACISM AND BIGOTRY BEING PEDDLED AS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN AMERICA.

The Undecided Voter sees Blacks and Hispanics shouting, “No justice, no peace!”, while the United Slaves Of America demand Rule Of Law be fairly applied to all Constituents.

BLACKS, HISPANICS AND WHITES ARE ALL UNITED SLAVES OF AMERICA WHEN RULE OF LAW IS NOT APPLIED FAIRLY, AS IN THE CASE OF BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA AND HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON.

The Undecided Voter realizes that, being educated and informed, does not make Hispanics, Blacks or Whites radical, racist, alt-right, conspiracy-theorists.

BLACKS AND HISPANICS CAN TELL WHEN A WHITE MAN LIES TO THEM ON TELEVISION AND CALLS IT NEWS.

“As a United States Naval Academy Midshipman Officer, at the world famous leadership laboratory in Annapolis, Maryland, I learned that what Hillary Clinton has done to the citizens of the United States is tantamount to treason, because her actions have left our nation vulnerable to blackmail by enemies of the state.” – Victor-Hugo Vaca II

UNITED STATES NAVAL ACADEMY MIDSHIPMAN VICTOR-HUGO VACA II

THE STRANGEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD By Victor Hugo Vaca II

THE STRANGEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD

(Scene 1-78 of Screenplay)

“The Strangest Love Story Ever Told.”©

Victor-Hugo Vaca II.

Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II

Photo Credit: Award-Winning Director, Screenwriter, Producer-Alyn Darnay

This copyrighted screenplay, “The Strangest Love Story Ever Told©”, though inspired by actual events is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The following are the first seventy-eight scenes of the copyrighted screenplay titled, “The Strangest Love Story Ever Told”© by Victor-Hugo Vaca II, one of the films, in the planned seven parts, from the infamous, “Crackhead Jesus: The Movie”© series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN8SIigY8TI

This work of modern-art-gonzo-journalism is dedicated to victims of domestic abuse, both male and female and abused children around the world. If you are a victim of Domestic Abuse get help by contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you are a victim of child abuse, or witness child abuse, contact Childhelp at 1-800-422-4453.

Parental Advisory Explicit Content

“It’s not about breaking up, it’s about moving forward.” – Victor-Hugo Vaca II

Maverick Artist Victor-Hugo Vaca II (Photo Credit: Award Winning Director, Screenwriter, Producer-Alyn Darnay)

***************************************************************************************
Scene 1

Opera Diva Love

I was with the Opera Diva the day I met the Countess, at a formal charity event for battered women and children. I witnessed a Phoenix rising in stiletto high heels, before the Countess stole my heart and propelled my curious existence into the strangest love story ever told.

***************************************************************************************
Scene 2

The Undecided Voter

Artist wearing professional headphones and smoking bong, edits soundtrack on computer while watching news and porn on split screen. Unbeknownst to the Artist, a swat team with bomb sniffing dogs circles his home. Cops bang on front door and ring doorbell frantically.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 3

Opera Diva Skyline

Opera Diva gets sloppy drunk at charity event, while the Artist mingles his way towards the Countess, who is sitting alone on a park bench in the lush courtyard, beside a fountain and burning tiki torches. Their eyes meet before the Artist introduces himself to the Countess and they start a lively conversation that leads to a six-year relationship.
***************************************************************************************
Scene 4

Swatting

Artist exhales cloud of smoke while removing headphones, oblivious to Swat team and bomb sniffing dogs surrounding his home. Television shouts breaking-news of criminals, impersonating police officers, on the loose in local area, robbing homes and victimizing people with respect for authority, as the Artist calmly makes his way to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, while scrolling news of innocent people being shot by rookie police officers, the Artist hears loud knocking and doorbell ringing incessantly. The Artist wipes, flushes and stumbles out of the bathroom while lifting his underwear and pants expecting to find his girlfriend, The Countess, locked out, with groceries at the front door.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 5

Opera Diva

The Artist says goodnight to the Countess with a kiss on her cheek, after spending a lovely evening together, at a Charity event for battered women and children. As she walks away, toward the valet, an angry gay man, arm in arm with drunken, sobbing, Opera Diva, approaches the Artist shouting, “Instead of flirting, why don’t you take care of your wife, here!”

“She’s not my wife.” The Artist says, while propping up the Opera Diva and holding her steady, in a comforting embrace, before escorting her to a waiting car at valet, loading her into passenger seat gently and driving off at conclusion of party.
*************************************************************************
Scene 6

The Artist Contemplates Death

The Artist sees hulk in dark sunglasses staring back at him through open living room window as he crawls on floor tightening his belt.

“Open the door! This is the police!” Cops shout.

“What’s going on?” The terrified Artist asks while crawling out of view past the kitchen into the bedroom where Swat team in body armor stares back at him with weapons drawn through open windows.

“What are you doing on the floor? Get up! Open the door! We need to talk to you! Now!” Cop shouts at Artist, while filming inside of house with body cam.
*************************************************************************
Scene 7

Towers Of Pleasure

Artist makes love to Opera Diva. His mind is elsewhere.

(ARTIST VOICEOVER) “Her legs were like skyscrapers resting on my shoulders as I thrust myself into her long lean body on the night I met my Muse, The Countess, at a charity event in The Grove.”

Opera Diva and Artist connect in the moment, to reach mutual orgasm and collapse, in a puddle of human liquids.

*************************************************************************
Scene 8

Artist Contemplates Death Too

Television shouts news about local state of high alert and emergency declared by Florida Governor following Orlando Terrorist attack at Pulse Nightclub and warning of former inmates impersonating law enforcement officers in the viewing area as Swat team, with guns drawn shout at Artist cowering on bedroom floor beside bed. “Open the door, now! We want to talk to you!”

“We are talking! What do you want?” The Artist asks while crawling away from Swat covered windows in the bedroom to Swat covered windows in the living room.

*************************************************************************
Scene 9

Red Head Aging Universe

“Thanks for a lovely evening. Perhaps our paths will cross again in a few months, when I return from touring Asia and Australia with the Metropolitan Opera.” The Opera Diva says before bending over to kiss the Artist goodbye, walking out the door in high heels and a sparkling, wrinkled, evening gown to her car at midday.

*************************************************************************
Scene 10

Romeo The Bomb Sniffing Dog

Swat team with bomb sniffing dogs surround artist’s house as he crawls around in a panic trying to get out of the line of fire inside his home.

“Open the door right now! We need to talk to you!” Police shout.

“Do you have a warrant?” The Artist asks.

“If you don’t cooperate, we will get one!” Cops shout.

“For what? I haven’t done anything.” The Artist replies.

“Assault and battery. Your wife says you beat her up. Open the door, now!” Cops shout while banging on the door.

“I’m not married! You have the wrong guy!” The Artist shouts to armed officers of the law staring back at him through open windows with guns drawn.

*************************************************************************

Scene 11

The Dark Side Of Reincarnation

The Countess calls the Artist and asks, “Would you like to attend a seminar on the dark side of reincarnation, with me, this evening, at the Kabbalah Center, where Madonna goes?”

“I’d love to but my car is in the shop for repairs.” The Artist says.

“No worries. Give me your address. I’ll pick you up at three.” The Countess replies.

*************************************************************************

Scene 12

Hands Up Don’t Shoot

“I’m reaching for my cell phone to call 911. Please don’t shoot me!” The Artist says as he rises from the ground cautiously with arms up, before pointing to his right pocket in front of nervous police officers watching his every move from outside his house, through clear windows, with guns pointed at his chest.

“We are 911!” Cops shout.

“I don’t know that! I’m calling 911, please don’t shoot!” The Artist says as he slowly reaches inside his pocket to grab his cell phone thinking, this may be the last moment of his life.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 13

Crackheadjesus Attacked Me With A Steaknife

“So, you were attacked, in your home, by an actor, with a steak-knife, after filming Crackhead Jesus: The Movie?” The Countess asks the Artist, as she drives to the Kabbalah Center.

“Truth is stranger than fiction.” The Artist says.
*************************************************************************
Scene 14

The Fourth Amendment

“Open the door! We just want to make sure you are okay!” Cops shout at frightened Artist as he speaks nervously to 911 operator on his cell phone in his living room.

“People claiming to be police are at my door demanding entry into my house without a warrant!”

“Calm down, Sir.” The 911 Operator says.

“Calm down? They have guns pointed at me.” The Artist replies, shaking with fear.

“Sir, were you involved in domestic abuse assault and battery with your wife this morning?” The 911 Operator asks.

“No! I’m not married!” Artist says while cops shout, “We’ll come back with a warrant if we have to, open the door!”

“Do that, because I’m not letting you in!” The Artist shouts.
*************************************************************************

Scene 15

How Dare You

Giant, overweight, Actor, with crazy-eyes, bursts through Artist’s bedroom door, wielding a steak-knife and shouting, “How dare you try to come between me and my wife!”

“Put the knife down!” The Artist says with authority.

“You’re trying to break us up!”

“No!”

“Then why would you tell her I raped an actress on set?”

“That’s not what I said! Put the knife down!” The Artist says as the angry actor swings a steak-knife while Artist retreats backwards towards master-bathroom.
*************************************************************************

Scene 16

See Something Say Something

Swat team surrounds house and bangs on front door of Artist’s home, as he speaks to 911 Operator who asks, “So, you witnessed child abuse and incest in your home, have you reported what you told me to Child Protective Services?”

“No.” The intimidated Artist says, staring back at scowl faced, armed officers gazing through his windows.

“Why not?” Asks the 911 Operator.

“I thought my girlfriend would take care of it, it’s her grandchildren.” The Artist answers without hesitation.

“Well, I’m duty-bound to report what you just told me, if you don’t.” The 911 Operator says.
*************************************************************************

Scene 17

Stand Your Ground

Massive Actor’s huge Wife screams, “Please, don’t kill him!”

“I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch!” The Actor says as he lunges towards Artist brandishing a steak knife.

“Calm down! It’s not what you think!” The Artist shouts as he side steps the Actor’s attack.

Frustrated, the Actor punches hole in wall causing his hand to bleed onto steak knife.

“You are a dead man!” The furious Actor shouts at retreating Artist.

“No!” The Actor’s Wife shouts. “Please stop!”

With nowhere to run or hide, the Artist stands his ground against the mad Actor.
*************************************************************************

Scene 18

Romeo The Bomb Sniffing Dog Too

Swat team surrounding house bangs on door shouting, “We’ll be back with a warrant for your arrest.”

“They’re leaving.” The 911 Operator says to petrified Artist as Swat team exits with bomb sniffing dogs. “But I suggest you call Child Protective Services, first thing in the morning, to file a report, so they can investigate your allegations of child abuse; otherwise, I have to report you as a co-conspirator. I also suggest you go the police station, ASAP, to give your side of the story, because your domestic partner has made some serious allegations against you.”
*************************************************************************

Scene 19

Get Out Of My House

“Get out of my house!” The Artist says, as he walks confidently past enraged Actor waving steak-knife at him as Actor’s Wife yells, “No!”.

The Actor punches another hole in wall, with his bloody fist, leaving red stains, splattered on white wall, as Artist makes his way into living room past hallway.

“I invite you to stay, with your cat, as guests in my home, and you threaten to kill me!” The Artist shouts at the Actor and his Wife, as she takes the knife from her Husbands bloody hand while eating a sausage. “Get out!”

“Fuck you!” The Actor and his Wife shout back at the Artist in stereo.
*************************************************************************

Scene 20

The Long Arm Of The Law

Artist walks into police station and approaches Front Desk Officer, sitting behind bullet proof glass.

“I’d like to file a police report.”

“About what?” The cranky Front Desk Officer asks.

“I was just swatted by my girlfriend. She filed a false police report.”

“Excuse me, Sir, I heard about that incident and I can assure you, the Police were there to protect you.” The Front Desk Officer says.

“Protect me? With guns drawn? Is that how cops protect citizens?”

“Your wife made some serious allegations.”

“She’s not my wife, I told you, she’s my girlfriend.”

“Whatever, your girlfriend said you have bombs and an arsenal of weapons. She also said you killed both of her dogs and tried to stab her in her sleep.” The Front Desk Officer, with a raised eyebrow and accusing look, says to the dumbfounded Artist, under camera surveillance.

“Well, she lied.”

“You’ll have to come back Monday after 3PM. The officers who took the original report are off for the next three days.”

“But I’m the victim, I’d like to file my own report.”

“Sorry. Come back Monday after three.

*************************************************************************

Scene 21

Dj Throw Up Cat

“You’re a piece of shit!” The Actor says to Artist as his Wife loads caged cat into overstuffed SUV in front of Artist’s home at twilight.

“Yeah. You’re a real piece of shit.” The Actor’s Wife says to Artist, as she struggles into passenger seat, while lowering the vehicle suspension, with her obesity.

The Actor and his Wife stick their middle fingers out the window, as tires tear up lawn, screeching burnt rubber onto road as car drives off in a cloud of smoke.

*************************************************************************

Scene 22

The Granddaughter

Inside police station, Child Protective Services Division.

“So, tell me what you witnessed?” The CPS officer asks the Artist who recalls events in flashbacks.

“It was our sixth-year anniversary. My girlfriend’s daughter had just divorced a pedophile that she had procreated two kids with, when she met a stranger on line that she wanted to have sex with.”

“Your girlfriend’s daughter had children with a pedophile?”

“My girlfriend claims her son-in law is a convicted sex offender pedophile and former gang member who is now a born again Christian.”

“Of course and his ex-wife wanted to have sex with a stranger she met on the internet?”

“The Granddaughter claims her father and grandfather are upset because the ink was not even dry on the final divorce papers before her mother started sleeping around.”

“Your girlfriend’s Granddaughter told you this?”

“My girlfriend’s Granddaughter told me a lot of things.”

*************************************************************************

Scene 23

Coolest Movie Marquee Ever

Film crew sets up lighting and soundcheck for scene in fancy mirrored public Ladies restroom.

“Okay, so this is the rape scene. Let’s tone it down from the original script and do it like we did at rehearsal.” The Artist confidently commands cast and crew.

“Quite on the set! Crackhead Jesus: The Movie, rape scene, take one.” The Director’s Assistant says while snapping film slate.

“Action!” The Artist shouts.

Actors commence tense scene surrounded by film crew on closed set.
*************************************************************************

Scene 24

GrandMa’s Stool

Inside Police Station Child Protective Services Division Artist recalls incident in voice over flashback.

“I was in the kitchen making breakfast when I noticed my Girlfriend’s five-year old Grandson defecating in front of me.”

“Are you shitting yourself?” Artist asks fully clothed Boy whose eyes are watery and face is red from straining to pass bowel movement while standing upright.

Diarrhea runs down the boys shorts, covering his legs and socks in feces, as bacon sizzles on stovetop.

“Grandma, he’s pooping himself again!” The Boy’s nine-year old Sister shouts while pointing a finger at her Brother and laughing.

“He said shitting.” The Girl says, pointing to Artist as her Grandmother enters room in panic.

*************************************************************************

Scene 25

Cult Movies

Inside public restroom live film set.

“Is this what you want, Bitch?” Actor growls as he manhandles Actress on camera, before she slaps his face, as scripted, during intense rape scene.

“I thought you loved me! You used me! Asshole!” Actress storms out of frame with tears in her eyes, running mascara and tattered clothing.

“Cut!” The Artist shouts. “Excellent!”

“Can we do that one more time?” The Actress asks while Makeup-Artist cleans her face. “I think I can do better.”

“Is that okay with you?” Artist asks Actor.

“Sure.” Actor replies, with a big grin on his lipstick-smeared face.
*************************************************************************

Scene 26

Living A Mythological Life

Artists’s kitchen filled with smoke and the smell of bacon, eggs and feces causes fire alarm to scream over Granddaughters shouts of, “Grandma, he shit himself again!”

“Don’t say shit!” The Countess scolds her Granddaughter with an evil eye and a scowling look.

“But Grandpa said it first!” The Granddaughter says with big innocent eyes while pointing at Artist.

“I’m not your Grandfather.” The Artist says while removing burnt bacon from frying pan.

“How dare you curse in front of the children!” The Countess howls.

“But, he shit himself while I was making bacon.”

“You burned the bacon! Ha! Ha!” The Granddaughter laughs at confused Artist.

“You’re an asshole!” The Countess says to Artist while grabbing Grandson covered in feces and taking him to bathroom leaving behind a trail of dark, green, diarrhea on plush white carpet.

*************************************************************************

Scene 27

2 Snails At A Fountain

Artist lies naked in bed with Actress and kisses her lips before she pulls away saying, “He raped me.”

“I was there. We have it all on film. How can you say he raped you?”

“I’m telling you, he raped me. Are you going to do something about it?”

“But it was a rape scene, you were both acting.”

“He had a hard on! He pressed it against me and I told him, no tongue. He violated my mouth with his tongue!”

“Okay! Okay!” The Artist says before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’ll talk to him before the awards ceremony, tonight.”

*************************************************************************

Scene 28

The Don’t Be A Dick Show

Inside smoke filled kitchen, Countess returns from bathroom to ask Artist, “Where’s his clothes?”

“You’re asking me?”

“He has no clothes.”

“What do you mean he has no clothes?”

Grandson runs around house naked yelling, “Penis! Penis! Penis!”

“His overnight bag is full of toys; no clean clothes!” The Countess shouts as her Granddaughter screams, “It’s Naked Man!”

“Your daughter didn’t pack a change of clothes for your Grandson?” The Artist asks as the bare-assed-Boy somersaults and runs around the house proclaiming, “Naked Man! Naked Man! Naked Man!”

*************************************************************************

Scene 29

Duke

The Countess and Artist arrive at Kabbalah Center for seminar on the dark side of reincarnation.

“So you told the Actor’s Wife he raped his Costar?” The Countess asks the Artist.

“Not exactly.” The Artist recalls in flashbacks.

Inside Artist’s house, the Actor’s grossly obese wife shoves a hot dog in her mouth while talking to Artist in kitchen. “Let me take care of you. You must be so stressed out. Let me give you an orgasm.”

Artist backs away from Actor’s Wife, as she slides her tongue from cheek to cheek, wiping away mayonnaise and mustard from the sides of her mouth.

*************************************************************************

Scene 30

Teach Your Children Well

Inside living room of Artist’s house, Naked Man reigns supreme as Artist plays the piano. Countess, Artist and Granddaughter watch in horror as Grandson grabs long wooden flute and proceeds to masturbate with instrument as his Sister screams and Grandmother gasps.

“Uh, is anyone going to stop this kid from masturbating in front of us?” The Artist says while playing piano.

“Don’t say that in front of the Kids!” The Countess shouts at Artist.

“So let me get this straight.” The Artist sings while playing piano. “He can masturbate in front of us but I can’t say the word to describe what he is doing.”

“What’s masturbate, Grandma?” The nine-year old girl asks Countess as her nude five-year old brother runs to the piano and starts slapping his penis on piano keys, shouting, “Naked Man! Naked Man!”, while Artist tickles ebony and ivory without skipping a beat.
*************************************************************************

Scene 31

Let Me Ease Your Stress

Inside Artist’s house, dining room, Artist tells Actor’s Wife, “Your Husband’s co-star is accusing him of rape.”

“What?”

“I know, I tried explaining to her that it was a rape scene but she insisted I talk to you and your husband before tonights award ceremony because you are producers on this project and well, honestly, I don’t know what she wants.”

“That bitch is crazy!”

“I figured we could discuss this with your husband over dinner, so we don’t cause a scene at the awards ceremony.” The Artist says to Actor’s Wife as she stares out window to see her husband flipping steaks on barbecue grill in backyard.

*************************************************************************

Scene 32

The Adventures Of Naked Man

Inside living room of Artist’s house, Countess and her Granddaughter watch as Grandson rubs his penis on Artist’s arm as he plays piano.

“Okay, this really has got to stop! Now he’s rubbing his dick on me!” The Artist says to Countess while her Grandson sings, “Naked Man! I’m Naked Man!” and Granddaughter looks on in shock.

“Don’t say dick!” The Countess screams at Artist, doing nothing to stop her Grandson’s perverse behavior.

“He said dick!” The Granddaughter says in amazement as her naked brother shouts, “Dick! Dick! Dick!” while slamming his penis all over the piano keys.

*************************************************************************

Scene 33

Saints & Sinners

Inside Kabbalah Center auditorium, the Countess and Artist meet Philip Berg an American Rabbi and dean of the worldwide Kabbalah Center. The Countess is starstruck in the presence of this Holy Man.

“This man is your Soulmate.” Berg says to Countess as he stares into Artists eyes while shaking his hand firmly for a length of time. “His love for you is eternal. He is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness.”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Sir.” The Artist says as both men loosen their grip on each other.

“The honor is mine. You are a visionary. Your work is prophetic with divine inspiration. Keep Shining, Brother. Flow.” Berg says to the Artist, before walking onstage in front of a packed auditorium to begin his lecture on the dark side of reincarnation.
*************************************************************************

Scene 34

Fruit Doesn’t Fall Far From Tree

“Can you watch the kids while I go buy Naked Man some clothes?” The Countess asks the Artist as he cleans up the kitchen and her Grandson streaks across the house chasing his sister shouting, “I’m Naked Man!”

“No. Your daughter’s kids are out of control.”

“Please, I can’t take him to the store naked.”

“Your daughter’s more concerned about getting laid than taking proper care of her children. What kind of mother sends her maladjusted kids on an overnight, without clothes?”

“Asshole! Don’t say, laid, in front of the children!” Countess screams as her Grandson fondles his Sister in front of her and the Artist.

*************************************************************************

Scene 35

A Woman Sees What She Wants In A Man

“Our totality must include a dark side if we are to be whole.” Says American Rabbi Philip Berg at the conclusion of his dissertation on spiritual afterlife at the Kabbalah Center before exiting the stage to a standing ovation.

“That was fantastic.” The Countess says to Artist who replies, “Interesting.”, as they both applaud and make their way out of the packed auditorium to the parking lot.

“Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?” The Countess asks the Artist, who answers, “Sure.”, with a smile as he opens the drivers-side car door for the Countess before walking around her clean, red Volvo, to sit in the passengers seat.
*************************************************************************

Scene36

What, Me Worry?

“Sweetheart, are you done in the shower, we have to go get your Brother some clothes at the store.” The Countess hollered to her Granddaughter as her Grandson in a long, white, t-shirt bursts through the closed bathroom door, revealing his Sister standing naked and exposed in front of the Artist and her Grandmother.

“Boobies!” The Brother shouts at his Sister, while pointing at her bare chest, as she screams in vulnerable embarrassment, while staring, naked, into the Artist’s shocked, wide-open, eyes, in front of her Grandmother, the Countess.

*************************************************************************

Scene37

The Grand Finale

The Artist and Countess reach orgasm together before resting side-by-side in her King-Size bed.

“That was incredible. Thanks.” The Artist says as the Countess rises from bed naked and walks towards closet.

“I want to show you something.” The Countess says, as she stands naked on her toes to retrieve a large box from the top shelf in her closet. The Artist notices and reacts physically to her erect nipples and hairy bush as she brings the box to bed with her, noticing his bulge rising from underneath her silk sheets he inquires, “Are we about to get, really kinky, now?”

“I thought we already did.” The Countess says, laying the box gently beside his excitement, before opening it.

*************************************************************************

Scene 38

Nuts

“We’re back!” The Grandson shouts, as he bursts through the front door sporting new clothes. “Look what Grandma got me.”

“That’s just great.” The Artist says, feigning interest before boy punches him in the groin, manifesting pain and shock that causes Artist to shout, “What the fuck?”, while recoiling.

“Stop cursing in front of the children!” The Countess shouts.

“But he punched me in the nuts!”

“He said nuts, Grandma. Is that the same as balls?” The Granddaughter asks her Grandmother while pointing at the Artist, as her little Brother guffaws, before punching the Artist’s testicles again.

“What? I can’t say nuts either?” The Artist asks Countess with watery eyes before falling to the floor. “What the fuck?”

*************************************************************************

Scene 39

Feed Them Sweets & Tell Them Lies

The Countess goes through her last pile of photo’s with the weary Artist, revealing her rich, celebrated history and international circle of influence including celebrities and world leaders.

“So, you’re telling me you created American Idol and The Bachelor?” The Artist asks while nibbling on the Countess’ perky nipples.

“Yes, but I never got credit or any money for it, because Hollywood assholes and their lawyers stole my ideas at a pitch meeting with network executives.”

“Why didn’t you sue?”

“I tried but I didn’t stand a chance against corporate lawyers on payroll; I’m just a poor little rich girl.” The Countess said, before grabbing the Artist’s stiff manhood, while kissing his lips.

*************************************************************************

Scene 40

Every Man Wants To Marry Magdalene

Granddaughter approaches Artist in his office as he works on his computer. “Can I talk to you about something private?” She asks.

“Sure.”

“My Dad and Grandfather are very upset with my Mom because she’s been spending so much time on the computer meeting strange men and sleeping with them instead of taking care of my Brother and I.”

“Really?”

“Grandpa says my mom is a whore. What’s a whore?”

The Artist pauses to contemplate his answer.

*************************************************************************

Scene 41

Woman

“So you are an actor, producer and an award-winning film director.” The Countess asks Artist while they lie naked in bed together in her beachfront mansion.

“And an award-winning artist.”

“And a politician as well?”

“I used to be, not anymore.”

“And a businessman?”

“True.”

“So, you’re a jack of all trades and master of none?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“So, what else are you good at?”

“Well, here, let me show you.” The Artist says before crawling under silk sheets to perform cunnilingus on the Countess.

*************************************************************************
Scene 42

Modern Man Modern Woman

“A girl in my class says men can get pregnant and have babies, is that true?”

“Sounds like your friend knows a thing or two about being transgender.”

“What’s transgender?”

“What are you teaching my Granddaughter?” The Countess asks Artist as she enters the room.

“She asked me a question.” The Artist answers.

“You’re not the one to be teaching her about sex.”

“I’m not. Obviously, your Daughter’s not either. She’s too busy having sex with strangers online to teach her children about nature.”

“Sex! Sex! Sex!” The Grandson shouts, as he runs into the room and slaps his Sister’s ass.
*************************************************************************

Scene 43

I Bet On America

“That was lovely, thank you. I see you are talented with your tongue as well, young man.”

“Glad I could be of service to you.” The Artist says after wiping his mouth on her sheets.

“So, what made you become a politician?”

“I was young, dumb and idealistic. I thought I could make a difference.”

“You sound jaded. What happened?”

“I was offered a bribe by an alleged serial-killer-spinal-surgeon.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, Mister, now I’m curious; Explain.” The Countess demands as she snuggles comfortably into the Artist’s bare chest.
*************************************************************************

Scene 44

Reputation Is Wealth

“My Daughter will be here any minute to pick up her kids, can you watch them while I take a shower?”

“I’d rather not.” The Artist tells Countess as he watches children play in yard from his office window.

“Don’t be a dick. Just do it.” The Countess says as she disrobes into shower.

“Where’s their deadbeat dad?” The Artist shouts loud enough for Countess to hear him in the shower.

“The kids mother and father are having sex with strangers, while we babysit their children on our six year anniversary; am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?” Artist says as he watches Brother hurl rocks and sticks at his tormented Sister in the yard.
*************************************************************************

Scene 45

Woman 2 Infinity

Voice over flashback as the Artist recalls history for the Countess.

“I was a millionaire businessman in my late twenties, when I fell in love with a woman I met at an open house for real estate investors in a high-rise luxury building.”

Buxom blonde wearing a label reading, “Hello My Name Is Godess”, on her heaving breast, grabs Artist by the hand and leads him to her Girlfriend, sitting alone at bar beside neon lit infinity pool at night.

“Let me introduce you to my friend. She’s not a real estate agent but she needs to get laid, it’s been a while.” Goddess says before introducing the Artist to her beautiful friend.
*************************************************************************

Scene 46

Seven Deadly Sins

Brother chases Sister into house and assaults her in front of the Artist. Sister is hit so hard by Brother that she doubles over in pain onto couch and bites the pillow to muffle her screams of pain.

Brother looks at Artist with innocent eyes and says, “Please don’t tell.”.

Sister wipes tears from her eyes and says the same to Artist as Countess walks into the room with towel on her head asking, “What’s going on out here?”

*************************************************************************

Scene 47

Sodomy

“You know, I don’t normally do this?” Muse says to Artist, as he opens passenger side door of his Lexus convertible, a DVD case titled, “Anal Intruders #57”, falls out of car onto pavement.

Embarrassed, the Artist replies, “You know, that’s not mine?”

“I guess we’re even then.” The Muse says, as she picks up the DVD and inspects packaging.

“I’ll tell you the story on the way to your place.” Artist says, as he closes car door, after Muse settles into seat.

“The story of Anal Intruders 57; I can’t wait.” The Muse says slyly as Artist starts the engine.
*************************************************************************

Scene 48

The Dead Cock

“Mom’s home!” Grandson shouts as his mother pulls into driveway with Internet Lover.

Artist goes to open door and sees Internet Lover slap kids mother on ass while saying, “I can’t wait to tap that sweet ass again, Mama!”

“And eat my pussy; I love the way you eat my …” The kids Mother stops when she realizes Artist is standing at entryway watching.

“Oh! Hello.” She says to Artist. “We brought you some soda pop.”
*************************************************************************

Scene 49

Full Moon Beach

“So you evicted a seventy year old woman with an extensive porn collection?”

“I had to, she wanted to pay rent in blow jobs.” The Artist tells Muse as he navigates Ocean Drive with the top down under full moon light. “Bank of America doesn’t take that sort of payment on mortgages.”

“So how many properties do you own?”

“Twelve. It’s a pain the ass, though, no pun intended.” Artist says to Muse holding Anal Intruders #57 in her lap as they both laugh.

“Tell me about it.” The Muse says.

“Well, one tenant told me she couldn’t pay rent, because her son had been decapitated and needed the money for his funeral. I mean, what am I supposed to say to that?” Artist asks as he pulls up to Muse’s apartment building on the beach.
*************************************************************************
Scene 50

The Sex Offender

“So, how was your 5k run for charity?” Artist asks kids Mother as she washes vegetables at kitchen sink for salad and Countess slaves over burners on stove while Granddaughter twerks in front of Internet Lover and her Brother in living room.

“What?” The kids Mother says, taken aback by the question. “Oh, we only ran 1k.”

“Really, what did you do the rest of the time?” Artist inquires while watching Internet Lover enjoying the nine-year olds provocative dance in front of him.

“We found stuff to do. Want to hear a joke?” The kids Mother asks in a quick change of subject. Without waiting for an answer, she barrels into her comedy routine. “This guy and his girlfriend are fighting, she says, “I’m breaking up with you.” “Why?” He asks. She says, ”Because you are a pedophile.” He says, “Pedophile? Hmmm, that’s an awfully big word for a ten year old.”

The Artist looks at her stunned, without laughing.

“I told that to my employees at T-Mobile. They loved it. Okay, here’s another one: What type of shoes do pedophiles wear?” The kids Mother asks the speechless Artist before answering, “White Vans. Get it? Pedophiles drive around in white vans.”

“You’re a manager at T-mobile and you tell your workers pedophile jokes?” Artist asks kids Mother as Granddaughter approaches him dancing seductively.

“What’s a pedophile?” Granddaughter asks Artist, who pauses before answering to take in his surroundings and situation.

“Your Father.” The Artist replies.

“How dare you!” The Countess shouts from kitchen immediately.

“I mean, ask your Father.” Artist corrects himself to no avail.

“That’s not what you meant!” The Countess scolds Artist.

“Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Your daughter marries a convicted sex-offender pedophile, has two children with him, divorces him, starts whoring around with strangers on the internet using charity as an excuse to do so and tells pedophile jokes at work to her employees and in my home, in front of her mother and children, but I’m the bad guy?”
*************************************************************************
Scene 51

Money Backed By Faith In Federal Reserve

Artist arrives at fourplex in Lexus convertible to collect rent from his tenants. He knocks on first door and sees disheveled tenant making his way out back window of apartment. Artist catches up with him before both feet hit the ground.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I heard you knocking at the door.”

“So you climbed out the window?”

“The front door is locked.”

“So why didn’t you open it?”

“The window is jammed.”

“You just climbed out of it.”

“I know but the door is locked.”

“Listen, I’m just here to collect the rent.”

“I don’t have it.”

“What do you mean you don’t have it? You are two months late now.”

“Can I pay you in weed?”

“No! You can’t pay me in weed! The mortgage company doesn’t accept weed as a payment.”

“How about crack?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I have cocaine if you want.”

“I don’t want drugs. I want you to get the fuck out of here.”

“You can’t evict me. I know my rights. I have ninety days.”

“I’m calling the cops.”

“They can’t do shit without a warrant. Besides, I’ll tell them it’s yours and they’ll confiscate your place as a drug house.” Tenant pulls three crumpled, one-hundred dollar bills, from his pocket and tosses them at Artist. “Here, I’ll pay you the rest later. Go fuck yourself!”

Artist picks money up from floor as he watches his tenant run away out the back fence door.

*************************************************************************

Scene 52

A Man Cares For His Family

“Why can’t you be more of a man, like him?” Granddaughter asks Artist while sitting on her Mother’s Internet Lover’s lap.

The Artist pauses to look at Internet Lover smiling while young girl sits on his lap in front of him as Countess and her Daughter set table and prepare meal for serving.

“You mean why don’t I father illegitimate children with different women out of wedlock? Why am I not a deadbeat dad? Or, why am I not screwing your mother?” The Artist says as the Countess announces, “ Okay, everyone, dinner is served. Let’s go, everyone to the dinner table, including you, young man.” She says to her Grandson as he humps her leg.

“Who’s going to say Grace?” The born-again Christian Daughter asks as she plays footsy with her Internet Lover under the table and her son picks his nose while his sister winks at the Artist.

“Why don’t you say a prayer for us?” The Countess asks the Artist.

“Dear God, help us all.” The Artist prays.

“That’s it?” The Countess says.

“What more do you want?” The Artist replies as the Grandson wipes his finger on the tablecloth.
*************************************************************************

Scene 53

Working Women

Artist knocks on second door of fourplex.

Two young, scantily clad Russian girls open door and proceed to seduce the Artist.

“I’m here to collect the rent.”

“Threesome?” The petite Girl says in a thick Russian accent as her Roommate rubs the Artists’s crotch over his dress pants.

“I’d love to but Bank Of America doesn’t accept sexual favors on mortgage payments.”

“No money. Love.” The Roomate says as she unzips his pants in an accent so thick he can barely understand what she is saying. “We give you good love.”

“I’m sure of that.” The Artist says, zipping his pants up while pushing the girls off him.

“You gay? Sissy-boy?” The petite Russian says mockingly.

“I’m not gay, I’m your landlord and I’m here to collect rent not screw around.”

The Roomate walks over to a coffee can in the kitchen and takes out some cash which she hands to the Artist saying, “Rest later or blowjobs now?”

The Artist takes money and looks into camera with raised eyebrow, breaking the wall between artist and audience, as both girls drop to their knees in front of him.
*************************************************************************
Scene 54

The 3 Muses 2016

“Mommy, Daddy says you are Mama number two and my step-brothers mother is Mama number one. I thought you said she was Mama number two.” Granddaughter says to her Mother at dinner table surrounded by Brother, Grandmother, Artist and Internet Lover.

“She is sweetheart, I’ll always be Mama number one.”

“Then why does Daddy call you Baby Mama number two.”

“Because your father’s an asshole. Eat your salad.”

“You know, that is confusing. All these Baby Mama’s and Baby Daddy’s, it’s hard to make sense of it all and I’m an adult.” The Artist says after sipping water from glass.

“Why don’t you mind your own business?” The Countess’ Daughter snaps while slamming her fork on table, making the silverware rattle.

“Actually, your Mother and I are planning to start a family of our own.” The Artist says proudly, raising a glass of Champagne to toast his heartfelt announcement.

“Stop saying that, the kids may start believing you!” The Countess’ Daughter barks.

“Actually, a seventy year old woman, in India, just gave birth, following two years of IVF treatment, at a fertility clinic and I’m no where near seventy.” The Countess says as she clinks her champagne glass with Artist’s before taking a sip.

“Mom, you’re sixty-five.” The Daughter reminds her Mother.

“So?” The Countess replies.

“So stop telling the kids you guys are going to have a baby, I don’t want them believing that.”

After a short, awkward pause in the dinner conversation, where everyone looks at the Artist with contempt, he breaks the silence by looking at the Countess’ Daughter and says, “You ought to explain Transgender to your daughter, she asked me if men can get pregnant.”

“I don’t want you talking to my children about Transgenders, those freaks are disgusting.”

“Disgusting? That’s funny coming from you.” The Artist responds to irate Daughter of Countess.

“That’s it. We’re out of here. Come on kids, let’s go. I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t know what you see in this monster. He’s rude, disgusting, vulgar and offensive.” The Daughter says as she rises from the table in a fit of rage.

“Look in the mirror, the same words can be used to describe you and your life.” The Artist responds.

“How dare you say that to my daughter?” The Countess shouts. “That’s it! We’re done! We’re over! You’re out of here! I want you out of my house before the end of the month!”

“Wait!” The Artist says, standing up. “Before you go, let’s all toast to our sixth year anniversary. Happy anniversary, Babe.” The Artist says turning to the Countess. “It’s been real.” The Artist says, as he raises his glass to an exasperated room full of houseguests, clamoring to exit, before he takes a swig of champagne and gets hit in the testicles by the Grandson, forcing him to spit out champagne all over the Countess and her Daughter.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 55

Baker Act

Artist knocks on third door of fourplex. Old man stinking of alcohol through pores and breath opens door to hand artist check.

“Thank you.” The Artist says before noticing the date on check. “Wait a minute, this check is for next month, I need this month’s rent.”

“I thought I paid this month already.”

“No and you were late on last months rent, so you have to add the late fee.” The Artist says taking a step back to avoid the repulsive smell emanating from the lanky senior citizen.

“I paid last month.” The drunkard says before breaking into a coughing fit that projects spittle onto the Artists suit and tie.

“Yes but you were late.” The Artist says while wiping spit off his tie with handkerchief from his pocket.

“I’m not late. I’m paying you a month in advance you greedy bastard!” The old man shouts in a drunken rage that cause him to stumble back into his apartment.

“This check is dated a month in advance. I can’t cash this.”

“That’s not my problem.” The old man says before passing out on his couch, snoring and dribbling out of the side of his wide open mouth.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 56

Passion Muse

As Daughter drives off with kids and Internet Lover, peeling out of the driveway, the Countess returns and yells at the Artist, “How dare you embarrass me in front of my family.”

“Me? I’m the embarrassing one? That’s rich.” The Artist laughs.

“Yes, you. My daughter says she never wants to see you again and will not let me see my Grandchildren until you are out of my life, so you’ve got to go. Now!” The Countess screams hysterically.

“Are you serious? The pedophile lover finds me offensive?” The Artist says while dodging a plastic cup full of water hurled at him by the furious Countess as she hollers, “Get out! Get out! Get out!”

The Countess curls fingers into fists and pounds Artist in chest with both clenched hands pushing him backwards. The Artist grabs her arm instinctively to stop his descent and tears her shirt as they both fall to the floor, dangerously close to sharp edge of living room furniture. He holds the Countess in a tight embrace as she struggles to break free from his stronghold. She crumbles into tears and curses him as he attempts to contain her anger within his hug.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. It’s okay. We’ll get through this, I promise.” The Artist says before kissing the Countess on her forehead as she sobs uncontrollably in his arms.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 57

Crackhead Jesus Is Coming

Artist drives up to beachfront property, steps out of his Lexus convertible, makes his way to front door and rings bell.

“Thank God you are here!” Says behemoth woman who opens door with curlers in her hair. “My husband got high on crack, went to work, got on his desk and told everyone at his office that he is the New Messiah and they are all his disciples.”

“What?” The Artist asks in disbelief.

“My husband thinks he’s Jesus fucking Christ!”

“You’re kidding?”

“I wish! The stupid motherfucker got fired today! He spent all our money on drugs and gambling, so now we can’t pay the rent.” The jumbo sized wife sobs as her husband approaches from behind in a white robe and sandals saying, “Welcome my Son.”, to the startled Artist.
***************************************************************************************

Scene 58

Evolution Of Man & Woman

Artist in bed with Countess leans over to kiss her goodnight but she recoils and turns away from him.

“How long are you going to keep ignoring me? It’s been three weeks since your daughter ruined our anniversary.” The Artist asks and receives a silent response from the Countess. “I didn’t think you could hold a grudge for that long.”

The Artist shuts off light. A loud fart breaks the silence. The Countess turns on light leaps out of bed and storms out of the room.

“I guess a blow job is out of the question.” The Artist says as she exits.

***************************************************************************************

Scene 59

Modern Crucifixion

“Jesus don’t pay rent.” Crackheadjesus says to the Artist, while lounging in Speedo, on a float, shaped like a slice of pepperoni pizza, in pool.

“Listen Mister, unless I get footage of you walking across this pool, Bank of America isn’t going to believe I’m renting to the New Messiah.” The Artist says.

“Fuck Bank Of America! Those crooks fleeced everyone with the bailout!”

“That may be so but I still need to collect your rent.”

“I told you, Jesus don’t pay rent!”

“I don’t have time for this nonsense. If you don’t pay rent, I’ll have to hire an attorney to evict you.”

“Bankers and lawyers all have a special place in hell and so will you if you don’t stop fucking with me.” Crackheadjesus said to the Artist while making the sign of the cross with his middle finger as the Artist walks past his gigantic sobbing wife saying, “Your husband needs an intervention.”, before walking out the door.

***************************************************************************************

Scene 60

Nothing Like A Woman Scorned

“Good morning, My Love.” The Artist says sincerely to grumpy, disheveled, Countess as she makes her way into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee in the morning.

“My daughter and I voted you off the board of directors. You are no longer part of our company.”

“You can’t do that.”

“We just did.”

“I never got notice, besides you and your daughter voted me off on what grounds?”

“On the grounds that you’re an asshole.”

“That may be so, but I remind you, this asshole, made us all a lot of money; a third of which I’m entitled to, as one third owner of the company.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Well, good luck lying to the IRS. I’m sure they’ll be just as curious as I am to know what happened to my money if you two decide to steal and hide it.”
***************************************************************************************

Scene 61

The Backpacker

Artist plays chess with white haired Doctor in penthouse apartment overlooking Ocean.

“Doc, I’ve got this tenant who thinks he’s Jesus Christ and won’t pay rent; got any suggestions?”

“Do what I did when I had an obnoxious, deadbeat, crackhead tenant.” The auspicious looking spinal surgeon says to Artist while moving his Knight to put Artist’s Queen in check on the marble chess board. “After performing complex spine surgery, I washed up and left the hospital wearing a clean pair of surgical gloves.”

The Doctor tells Artist story in flashback as Artist plots his next moves on chessboard.

No one notices Doctor as he walks to his Cadillac in the Emergency room parking lot and opens car door in fresh surgical gloves. “I own a couple of low income tenement buildings in Baltimore, Pennsylvania and New Jersey.” The Doctor says in voiceover as he drives through Baltimore to a run down building in ghetto. “When my tenants get out of line, I kill them.”

Doctor parks car in dark alley next to filthy dumpster and exits vehicle as rats scurry away under his feet. He calmly walks through back entrance into dimly lit hallway that leads to stairwell consumed with graffiti under flickering lights. His expensive shoes crush German roaches as he climbs up seven flights of stairs without breaking a sweat. He exits enclosed stairwell and makes his way to apartment 702 where he knocks on the door with authority.

Seconds pass before the Doctor sees an eyeball staring back at him through peephole and he hears multiple locks being undone before door opens to reveal a lanky drug addict who says, “Listen, I’m sorry about the rent.”

Doctor grabs crackhead by the throat and lifts him off the ground, walking him straight back towards open window at the other end of filthy apartment saying, “I’m sure you are.”, before pushing his tenant, with feet and arms flailing, out the window to his death. The Doctor looks out window to see his victim impaled on fire hydrant and smiles before calmly walking out of the apartment, locking the door behind him and making his way past elevator to stairwell, where he walks downstairs to his car and drives away as if nothing happened.

“You’re kidding me, Doc.” The Artist says while moving his pawn to protect his Queen from the Doctor. “You’re suggesting I murder Crackheadjesus?”

“I’m not suggesting anything, I’m merely answering your question before putting you in checkmate.” The Doctor says as he moves his Bishop between the Artists’s King and Queen on the chessboard.

***************************************************************************************

Scene 62

The Countess

“I want you out of here, now!” The Countess shouts at Artist, as he follows her fluidly through house, with cellphone camera, video recording her every move and words.

“Where’d you get those bruises?” The Artist asks Countess, from behind the camera, while filming black and blue areas all over her body, as she puts clothes away in closet.

“I got them at an amusement park.”

“Oh really, when did you go the amusement park? I don’t remember being at an amusement park.”

“It was the beach.”

“Really? So how did you get that bruise?”

“Get out of my face.”

“But, how did you get that bruise? Did I give you that bruise?”

“I have pictures of the bruises you’ve given me and they were much worse than that.”

“So then who gave you this bruise right here?” The Artist asks, as Countess walks away from him, into living room area, as he follows her with camera recording.

“I was playing with the kids at the beach.”

“Which kids? The kids that are incestuous? The ones that have parents that actually lie and have us, on our anniversary, take care of her children, so that she can have sex, with a stranger?”

“I forbid you to film me.” The Countess shouts over the Artist as their words collide in an escalating argument that moves through the house with the artist saying, “ A stranger that your daughter brings into our house; a stranger that she met three months prior.”

“I want you out of my home!”

“Endangering the life of her children, by bringing a stranger into the house, so she can have sex.”

“This is my house.” The Countess shouts looking into the camera saying, “This man is not welcome in my home and I will call the police to have him evicted.”

“I have to witness incest and assault.”

“You didn’t see incest!”

“Making me have to see child pornography.”

“You didn’t see assault!”

“Because the kids Baby Daddy and Baby Mama are irresponsible.”

“You didn’t see anything of the such. You’re the person that was saying the words boobies and penis!”

“I had to see a young girl naked, which offended me.”

“Excuse me, you never saw a young girl naked!”

“Yeah, because the incestuous son of a pedophile, in front of the Countess, who did say nothing and actually turned the blame on the poor young girl, who ended up having to show her naked body to a stranger and now, your Daughter puts that same endangered young girl, in the hands of a stranger and you, as her Mother, condone it.”

“You are insane! You need to leave my home!” The Countess says as she slams the Officer door behind her and locks the Artist out, leaving him filming a closed door, saying, “And this is now on the record.”

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Scene 63

The Attorney

Inside fancy lawyers office, Artist sits across desk from rotund attorney.

“So let me get this straight, you want to hire me, a Jewish attorney, to evict Crackheadjesus?”

“I’m not going to kill him.” The Artist says.

“I’ll crucify him for you but it’ll cost you.”

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Scene 64

Book Of Life

Artist sheds his clothes and turns into bed alone before shutting off light to sleep at Midnight. He sees a bright light flashing into his bedroom and hears rustling outside his window. Frightened, Artist crawls out of bed, onto floor, while grabbing his cellphone off nightstand and heads into bathroom avoiding the bright spotlight. He dials 911. The moment Operator answers, two men burst through bathroom door with bright lights and guns pointed at him as he sits on the toilet shaking with fear.

“911, is this an emergency?”

“Two men are in my house pointing guns at me!”

“Police! Put your hands up!” Blinded by the light, Artist can only hear shouts in the surrounding darkness.

“They are police, Sir. We got a report of burglars in your neighborhood.”

“How did they get into my house without a warrant?” The Artist asks squinting at light beams.

“Your wife gave us the house keys and said there was a burglar in the house.” Voice behind light says.

“I’m not married.”

“I’m going to let you go now, Police will take care of things.” 911 Operator says.

“Can I videotape them?”

“They have body cameras on, Sir. Just do what they tell you and everything will be alright.” 911 Operator says before hanging up.

“Do you have I.D., Sir?” One of the police officers says from behind the light.

“Not on me.” The Artist replies. “I’m sitting on the shitter. Please don’t shoot.”

“Turn on the light, so we can shut our Mags off.”

The Artist flicks bathroom light switch on, revealing two armed cops, with guns aimed at his chest, standing inches away from his naked, shaking body.

“Do you live here?” Cop #1 says as both men shut off their lights and lower their weapons.

“Yes. My wallet is on the night stand. I’ll show you my drivers license.”

Police back away and allow naked Artist to get identification out of his wallet.

“Your wife thought there was a burglar in the house. She seemed pretty frightened.”

“She’s been swatting me and cop shopping because I notified Child Protective Services of possible child abuse with her grandchildren. This is the second time in less than a week that I’ve almost gotten shot by police in my own home.”

“We’re sorry, Sir. We’ll go talk to her.”

“That’s it? Can I file a complaint about her making false police reports? Isn’t it a misdemeanor or felony?”

“We’ll talk to her, Sir. If she genuinely thought there was a burglar inside, we can’t do anything.”

“Here’s your license. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Goodnight.” Cop #2 says before exiting home with Cop #1.

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Scene 65

The Judge

Inside Courtroom Artist sits beside his short, stumpy, Lawyer, as Judge looks down on him.

“Your Honor, my client is looking to evict this man and seeks financial retribution for damages done by tenant to his rental property.”

“Let me ask you something.” The Judge says to Artist’s Lawyer. “How many properties does your client own?”

“Twelve, your Honor.”

“And he can’t find it in his heart to house this man until he gets the help he needs to move on?”

“Your Honor, with all due respect, my client is running a business, not a charity.”

“That may be so but do to the extenuating circumstances, I’m going to allow for the tenant to reside in the property for ninety days and award your client $3,000 in damages for what you were able to prove as negligence on the tenants part. That’s my judgement. Get a copy of the ruling from the clerk on your way out of the courtroom.” The Judge said before striking gavel on desk as Crackheadjesus and his wife grinned from ear to ear at Artist.

“You’ll never see a penny of it.” Crackheadjesus says to Artist as they cross paths on way out of courtroom. “ And if you think your house is fucked now, wait till you see it in ninety days.”

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Scene 66

Public Trust

Artist watches news investigation of people shot and killed by police before shutting off television and going to bed, alone in his house. He is noticeably shellshocked. As Artist, naked, twists and turns restlessly in bed, he notices through window, a car parked at the end of street, with it’s engine running and lights off. He crawls out of bed and puts robe on to investigate when suddenly bright lights fill his bedroom and he drops to the ground in terror as loud knocking fills the night time silence.

“Police! Open the door!” Artist sees cops and dogs surrounding his house in shadows. He walks to front door and looks through peep hole where he sees police in military gear standing outside his door.

“What do you want? I talked to the cops already.”

“You were arrested for battery the other day, we’re here to serve you.”

“No I wasn’t. You’ve got the wrong guy, I wasn’t arrested for anything the other day.”

“You don’t have a job. You are unemployed.”

“That’s not true. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Open the door, Sir. You’re just making it more difficult on yourself.” Artist notices the police officer taking a defensive stance behind the closed door.

“I’m calling 911. Please don’t shoot me. I’m not armed and you don’t have a warrant, so I’m not letting you in.” The Artist shouts while backing away from door and dialing 911.

“911, is this an emergency?”

“I’m being swatted. I’m being harassed by police because I reported my girlfriends Daughter to CPS.”

“They’re just there to serve you with papers, Sir.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything.”

“You have an injunction, Sir.”

“What’s that?”

“They’ll explain it to you, Sir, just open the door.”

“No. I’m not opening the door. Those guys are intimidating and accusing me of having been arrested for battery, which obviously I didn’t since, I’m not in jail.”

“I’m on the phone with the officers on the scene, they will leave, if you promise to drop by the station tomorrow morning, to sign the injunction.”

“I’ll do that but the only thing I’m guilty of is doing the right thing. Since when did see something say something become a crime?”

“They’re leaving, Sir. Make sure you drop by the station tomorrow morning, please.”

Artist watches from window as Swat team leaves with bomb sniffing dogs in tow.

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Scene 67

Crackheadjesus

Artist in Lawyers office.

“I paid you to evict Crackheadjesus and now I have to house this guy for ninety days while he trashes my place!”

“Eviction is not as easy as you think. There’s squatters rights.”

“What about my rights.”

“Rule of Law and justice are two different things, neither of which is always fair.”

“But you make money regardless.”

“It’s called law practice. Clients pay us to practice law.”

“If a plumber, electrician or hairdresser don’t do their job right, they don’t get paid but if a lawyer fucks up…”

“We get paid. That’s how it is. Speaking of which, heres your bill. We take cash or credit card.” The Lawyer finishes Artist sentence while handing him invoice with a big grin and gold rings on his fingers.

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Scene 68

Ghosts

Artist in underwear talks on phone with Sister, recounting his nightmare experience, when doorbell rings as sun comes up. Artist answers door to find two elderly, non-threatening, police officers standing outside holding papers.

“Are you, the Artist?” Elderly Cop #1 asks Artist who has his Sister on phone as aural witness.

“Yes.”

“Sign this please.”

“What is it?”

“It’s an injunction. You have five minutes to vacate the premises.”

“What?”

“It’s a temporary injunction for protection against domestic violence. You’ll have your day in court in a month. Until then, you are not allowed within 500 feet of this property or your wife.”

“I’m not married.”

“You have five minutes to grab whatever you can. We’ll be right here waiting for you to leave. If you don’t leave, we will arrest you.”

The Artist hangs up with his sister and commences a high speed race through the house gathering whatever he can in five minutes and loading it all into the car before driving away under the watchful eye of authority.

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Scene 69

Cristo Mujer

Countess lies in bed with Artist, listening to his story while snuggled into his bare chest.

“I can’t believe the Judge let Crackheadjesus stay in your house for ninety days.”

“The worst part is, Hurricane Wilma left me homeless and destroyed my rental business. Of the twelve properties I owned, the only one that was unscathed was the one Crackheadjesus lived in and he destroyed that property when he left.”

“Were you able to collect for damages?”

“No. The Court said they could not enforce the ruling, because they were not a collection agency and lawyers just wanted more money to collect on something that would leave me in the red, even if I won, so I just cut my losses and got out of the rental business.”

“And you became an artist.”

“Never been happier.”

“Kiss me.” Countess says as she pulls the Artist’s head to meet her lips in a warm embrace.

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Scene 70

Artist Contemplates Life

“I’m fucking homeless! Again!” The Artist says to his friend as he sits at a rest stop talking on his cell phone. “And she emptied out our business and personal bank accounts, so I’m fucking broke too!”

“That’s fucked up. Do you have enough money to make it to my house?”

“Barely.”

“You can crash on my couch, for a few days, if you want but I can only let you stay for a week because I have family coming over and well, you know, your situation is kind of a bummer and they’ll be on vacation.”

“I get it, Man. Thanks for the offer. I’ll take you up on it until I figure out what to do. I’m still in shock over the whole thing.”

Artist starts engine and drives onto highway towards friends house.

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Scene 71

In Vitro Fertilization

Artist and Countess sip fruit cocktails on beach in front their Mansion.

“I think we should start a family.” The Countess says to Artist.

“Didn’t you go through menopause?” Artist asks taken aback by the prospect.

“I can get IVF treatment.”

“Designer babies. I don’t feel much like jerking off into a cup.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Oh, yeah, what are we going to tell our children, that they’re father beat his meat to an all girl lesbian orgy video with tribbing, strap-ons and double dongs, so they could be born in a petri dish?”

“You’re so disgusting.”

“If you think that’s disgusting, how are we going to make a baby? Are you going to fuck me proper or do you want me to jerk off to Disney videos at the sperm bank, so, in your mind, you don’t think I’m a pervert?”

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Scene 72

Don’t Believe The Truth

Artist sitting on friends couch surrounded by papers making phone calls.

“Hey Bud, I need a favor.”

“I know. She contacted me.”

“So you know my situation.”

“I know you are a dick for hitting her and killing her dogs.”

“I didn’t kill her dogs or hit her.”

“Well, that’s what she’s been telling everyone. Your name is mud.”

“You know I’m not the monster she describes.”

“I don’t know, Man. She sounded pretty convincing. I can’t let you stay at my house. I don’t want to get involved, Sorry.”

Artist hears phone line go silent when friend hangs up on him as his Buddy enters room asking, “Have you found another place to stay yet?”

“No, Man. She’s been calling everyone and telling them shit about me. No one wants to get near me, they think I’m a dog killer, wife beater and child molester. That’s what I get for doing the right thing. No wonder no one wants to get involved.”

“See something say something get fucked. That’s why I mind my own business.” Artist’s Buddy says while taking a toke from joint and passing it to downtrodden Artist. “Here, this will calm you down.”

“Thanks, Man.”

“No worries.” Buddy pauses to take hit from joint passed back to him from Artist. “I hate to be a dick but you got to get out of here tomorrow. My family doesn’t take kindly to dog killers and child molesters.”

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Scene 73

Love Graffiti

Artist and Muse enjoy candlelight dinner at home.

“Congratulations! Our hard work paid off. We’re set to make well over seven figures this year in profit.”

“That’s great. We should celebrate by taking off for the weekend. Maybe get a hotel somewhere nice, since tomorrow is our six year anniversary.”

“Oh, about that, my daughter and her new boyfriend are running a 5k for charity tomorrow and she asked if we could watch her kids this weekend.”

“Does she know it’s our anniversary?”

“Yes, but, I told her we would. You know how much I love those kids.”

“If that’s what you want. If it makes you happy.”

“It does.”

“If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy, so I guess we’re babysitting your grandkids for our anniversary.” The Artist says, as Countess rises from table to kiss him on lips, saying, “Thank you Baby. I love you so much. You’re the best.”

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Scene 74

Trust

Artist reads Injunction with Friend as both smoke bong.

“I can’t believe she told police I am a terrorist with bombs and a cache of assault rifles. No wonder they showed up with swat teams and bomb sniffing dogs.”

“What a cunt!” Friend says exhaling a cloud of smoke. “The Bitch tried getting you killed by police, that’s called swatting.”

“I know, the police said she was cop shopping too, trying to find officers that were sympathetic to her cause.”

“That’s bullshit, Man, cops always take the woman’s side.”

“Thanks for letting me stay here, Man, everyone thinks I’m a prick because of her.”

“I know you are a prick but you are my prick and I’m not going to let you crumble because of some dumb bitches lies.”

“Man, I need to get an attorney but she cleared out my bank account and left me penniless.”

“Listen dude, you can crash on my couch as long as you like but I ain’t lending you any money. I’m not a bank.”

“You’ve got three weeks to raise the money to save your good name and reputation, so if I were you, I’d be selling my ass on the street if I had to.”

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Scene 75

The Bailiff

Artist enters Courtroom with attorney and sees Countess sitting beside Domestic Abuse Counselor in packed Court as female Judge enters room, Bailiff says, “All rise, the Honorable Judge Lynn Topper presiding.”

“You may be seated.” The Judge addresses the packed courtroom. “We are hear today to rule on Injunctions for protection against domestic abuse. These are summary proceedings. There is no opening statement, no closing statement, no character witnesses, no long stories and background information about personality disorders or all of the circumstances surrounding the situation. I want facts. Cut to the chase. I won’t stand for any long stories about the history of your relationship, work history, residence history or contribution to the relationship because it’s not relevant. I’m here to determine one thing and one thing only, is the petitioner a victim of an act of violence or is the petitioner in imminent danger of becoming a victim of an act of domestic violence under section 741.30 of Florida statutes. The burden of proof is on the Petitioner to speak specifically about the act of violence perpetrated against the Petitioner and I’m not talking about yelling, cursing, threats or intimidation. I want dates, time and location of specific acts that caused the Petitioner to become a victim. Nothing else matters in my Court. Now, if I do find the Petitioner to be a victim of domestic abuse, I am authorized to sentence the Respondent to up to, but no more than, five and a half months in jail. With that in mind, let’s proceed. Bailiff, what’s the first case on the docket?”

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Scene 76

Do U C What I Say

Doctor plays chess with artist in Penthouse overlooking Ocean.

“Remember this, my friend.” Doctor says to Artist as he puts Artist’s King in check with pawn. “You can always count on cops being overworked, underpaid and lazy and lawyers being greedy. That’s why you can always get away with murder.” Doctor winks at Artist before adding, “That is of course, if you are smart, like me.”

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Scene 77

WWCHJD? What Would Crackheadjesus Do?

In packed Courtroom, Judge addresses female Petitioner, with lawyer, in front of Respondent, without lawyer, defending himself pro se.

“You testified under oath that you witnessed the Respondent beating your son with his fists, did you not?”

“Yes, your Honor, I did.”

“Then why in the police report, taken minutes after police arrested your domestic partner, did your son write, and I quote, ‘I thought he would hit me but he didn’t.’ , end quote?”

“I don’t know, your Honor.”

“Oh, I think I know. If your son had been struck by the Respondent, as you claim, he would have remembered it moments after it happened and included it in the police report. There is a big difference between thinking you are going to get hit and actually getting hit. I’ll tell you what I think. I think the Respondent , as he stated under oath, told you he wanted you and your kids out of his home months ago. I think you tried buying yourself some time by filing this injunction and putting this man in jail without just cause. Your lies have put this man through hell. Therefore, I am denying your request for permanent injunction and dismissing this case for providing insufficient evidence under Florida Law sections 741.30. Who’s next Bailiff?”

“Your Honor, Case number 2016DR002970DRAXES, The Countess versus The Artist.”

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Scene 78

Into The Litigation Vortex

Artist sits with Crackheadjesus as he floats in pool on inflatable Pizza in Speedos.

“You will be challenged by the Justice System and you will learn that it is broken. No justice no peace. In your life, if you want peace, you must learn to navigate the litigation vortex, before it swallows you whole and ruins your existence. Remember, Motherfucker, the truth will set you free.”

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